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Last Updated On:  June 5, 2023

Struggling with Insecurities from Past Mistakes and Self-doubts?

By Coach Keya

Here’s what you need to know about what’s going on and learn how to find help with growing in self-esteem, self-worth, and self-confidence!!!

What is insecurity?

The definition of insecurity that stands out for me is the lack of confidence due to mistakes from the past that you or your ancestors made and you still suffering because of that.

No one on this planet has not made mistakes and who does not struggle.

Struggles are unavoidable, but suffering is a choice.

Let’s say someone offers you a flower and you do not take it. Who does that flower belong to? The one who tried to give it to you, it still belongs to them.

Now think of an insult someone sent your way. If you do not receive it, who does that insult belong to? The person who tried to insult you. If you do not take it, it belongs to that person, doesn’t it?

It’s the same situation, whether it is something you like or dislike. If you do not receive it, it doesn’t belong to you.

So, what do you do? Don’t take anything anyone gives you. Get into that habit of not receiving whether it is appreciation or insults. Because it was not yours, to begin with. Because when you take it, you have to carry it around.

It adds to your baggage and slows you down. When someone says something nice to you and you think it is true about you, you have to always live up to the standard set by someone else’s opinion and expectations of you.

Whether positive or negative, you don’t want to fall for someone else’s opinion of you.

Have you ever watched a world-class athlete have a bad game? How about watching an Oscar award-winning actor play the role of a person you did not identify with?

You do not like everyone so when you expect everyone to like you, who’s the enemy? Who’s hurting you? Is it the person not liking you or your expectation of the person who you want to like and be nice to you?

Why do you have insecurities?

All these unmet expectations that you have struggled with and got attached to are the cause of your suffering.

If your parents or their parents or your ancestors before them struggled with unmet expectations that’s part of your emotional makeup and adds to your suffering. It’s in your DNA.

Now these sufferings lead to aggressive sorrows, anger, disappointments, frustrations, envy, and resentment. You might suffer from self-doubts, and poor self-esteem, and can’t find any self-confidence when you need it the most.

You spend time asking “experts” about what they think about things that feel important to you. Decision-making is a struggle and willpower seems a scarcity in your world.

When these emotions are not processed and released, they take away your sleep, your vitality, your health, your peace of mind, and your money, ruining your relationships.

You struggle because of your ignorance of who you are and what you are worth and capable of. You feel terrible about most things you see, hear, touch, or smell. Things you have not tasted growing up, you still do not like them, though you see others enjoying them right in front of you.

Your taste buds are the same as when you were younger than eight. Your comfort food is 90% of the time the food you enjoyed as a child.

That’s the level of stuckness you suffer from. A conditioning of your mind through TV programming, your culture, your parents' expectations from you, and a load of self-imposed belief systems that keep you safe, maybe, but constantly feeling small and sorry for yourself.

There’s another reason why you might struggle with uncertainties. This is where your fears show up as a real threat. The future seems foggy or dark and you struggle with clarity.

When you try to focus on stuff like retirement, or old age you don’t want to think more than your initial thoughts. You are afraid of the bad things that could happen when you go on a vacation and buy extra insurance. When your children begin to date someone you are happy but not one hundred percent because you feel that this new younger person might replace you in their lives.

How experts can’t help when you are mired in insecurities

The memories of past mistakes combine with your doubts and fears make you seek experts like lawyers,  doctors, financial advisors, spiritual gurus, psychics, weathermen, news anchors, and even the election polls. After you listen to one expert you seek a second opinion and then a third.

You settle for the opinion of the most confident expert. Their projected confidence rubs off on you and you buy into their opinion until the results go result awry and now you return to feeling insecure again.

You want certainties when there are none and you feel insecure in life. Every decision you make is based on some level of fear. You want to be understood and want things to change but you are afraid to change.

There’s a difference between wanting things to change and changing your life on your own.

A lot of people, like you and me, are good people, doing good things, being good to our friends and family, being kind, gentle, strong, and having the right intentions, and yet most of us, get only a bit of what we want and we struggle to get the rest and in the end, we give up wanting what we want and start wanting something else.

You feel exhausted and you might call it growing old.

Growing old is a physical change while growing up is a spiritual journey.

All these needs and wants are with only one aim in mind. And it’s called HAPPINESS!!!

All we want is to be safe. Humans do dangerous things like sky jumping, riding the scariest waves, and climbing the tallest mountains, trekking through harsh conditions, going as close to the volcanoes as possible, diving as deep into the ocean as possible and still trying to go deeper, all for only one reason. To feel happy that they did something that is normally considered scary.

Why do you do anything?

Women get pregnant and try to squeeze out a baby nine months later only out of love and the perceived happiness of being a mother. And then begins the journey of sleepless nights and looking and feeling our worst.

Why do women become moms? Because of the perceived notion of happiness. Why do people get into relationships, whether it’s with a partner for business or life, whether it is friendships or whatever else? It’s all in the pursuit of happiness.

And more often than not, you feel disappointed. You make excuses for your results in life with phrases like “he’s trying” “she’s trying” “I’m trying” or “they’re trying”. You are disappointed and you don’t want to talk about it.

You go and tell your doctor that you don’t feel good and your doctor runs tests on you and tells you that everything looks good. He or she suggests simple things, 80% of which you already knew, or were already doing.

There is this nagging feeling that something needs to shift and all you can think of is either talking to someone, eating some sweet or salty food, or fixing a drink for yourself, whether it’s caffeine or alcoholic.

Today there are nearly infinite news channels, TV programs, and movies streaming into your living room or on your cell phone, and then the unavoidable social media. These are great ways to distract yourself for the rest of the day from what’s truly seeking your attention.

Why do you feel insecure?

It’s your insecurities, your self-doubts arising from societal conditionings or past mistakes, and your fears of the future, fear of abandonment, fear of rejection, and fear of the unknown.

Did you know that most of us will avoid going to the dentist up until the pain is no longer bearable? Did you know that the fear of public speaking is greater than the fear of death?

Yes, we are afraid to fully express ourselves, for fear of being judged, rejected, criticized, or ostracized. You fear being not liked. Yes, you do not fully express yourself because you are afraid of being unhappy and so you do not even feel happy.

Trying to avoid misery is the source of all your miseries.

You cannot do it alone, no one can. You need a guide, an accountability partner, a support system, and guidance.

You need an alchemist who’ll hear you and by virtue of you speaking your darkest fears, the energy of it all dissolves.

You need a shaman who practices the art of taking her clients to the moment their souls separated from Source so they can remember why they chose to incarnate in this lifetime.

Until you know who you are, how can you love yourself completely and unconditionally? And, unless, you love yourself the way you are meant to be loved, how can you receive the love of anyone who wants to and is loving you that way?

If you are a vessel that is filled with uncertainties, self-doubts, anger, sorrow, fear, guilt, hurt, shame, blame, pain, and all other rubbish, how can anyone fill you up with love, comfort, peace, wellness, joy, and happiness, no matter how hard they tried?

How to find wholeness

Two half-circles do not make a perfect whole circle. When you have needs and want someone else to fill your needs all you find is another needy person to fulfill their needs. And suddenly, there are two needy people in a relationship.

When you learn to love yourself, wholly, completely, absolutely, and unconditionally, you will meet others on the path of self-discovery, self-kindness, self-compassion, and self-love.

No one ever got what they wanted. You only attract who you are. If you are an insecure person you attract other insecure people. If you are looking for love you attract others looking for love.

Whatever is going on inside of you, will be reflected back to you during the day. Either you run from it or learn from it, now that’s a choice.

And you might say, I have been making the right choices but I also get wrong results. And I will say it’s not your fault. It happens to the best of us.

But, if you make enough empowering choices, over time, you will get empowering results, and live an empowering life.

Finally, the truth is, no one ever did it on their own. All successful people, however, you define success to be, have coaches, guides, mentors, shamans, healers, and energy medicine practitioners who help them on their journey. And, when you are ready, willing, and able to start that journey of empowerment, you will know and I will be here.

You are everything to so many people, you support them, love them and are there for them. When you are ready to have someone to support you, love you, and be there for you on your sacred journey called life, let me know and we can start with a conversation.


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