People are initially attracted to you for how you appear, but they will stick with you for how you make them feel about themselves.
There are two ways to become more attractive. One is by being what it seems like other people want, in essence, blending in with the people considered to be beautiful.
The other is by standing out and making heads turn.
You also need to know what (and who) you want to attract. Because when you are aiming at becoming more attractive, you might also attract those who you don’t want to be with.
So first things first: know what you want.
The clearer you are on who you want to attract, the better your chances of getting just that.
If you don’t know what you want you will have to deal/live with what life brings you.
So, get clear on who you want to attract. Once you have that clear, the next thing is to focus on just that. There’s no need to waste time with what you don’t want.
How to become more attractive to people who will be most valuable to you
Your attraction factor is your personal magnetism. How easy is it for you to make someone come close to you and stay with you?
You might have heard the word charisma before and you might have assumed that charisma is something people have or they don't, or it might have to do with showbiz, neither of which is right. Your charisma is your attraction factor and it is a combination of your warmth and competence.
According to author Marianne Williamson, “Charisma is the sparkle in people that money can’t buy. It’s invisible energy with visible effects.”
When you are warm and friendly, people will want to be around you. If you are the life of the party people might not take you seriously either. There’s a happy medium between being fun and being taken seriously for someone to want to feel attracted to you.
Enhancing your attraction factor
Would you ever become friends with someone you don’t like? Would you ever fall in love with or date someone you don’t feel attracted to?
Similarly, to attract someone you have to be attractive on their terms. There is someone for everyone, even those who are single. You can stay single and still feel supported. But to have the right one in your life, you have to be the right one for them too.
You might think personal magnetism is something you need to be born with and is a nice-to-have trait, but the opposite is true. Personal magnetism is a skill and a must for all relationships, love, and life, alike.
Charisma is another term for personal magnetism. Once you learn theories of this skill, you can master it through continuous practice. Only with mastery of personal magnetism, you can be sure to have that special someone be a part of your life in a supportive way.
Seven ways to become more attractive to the exact type of person you want to meet
1. It begins with that head-tilt
Your head straight above your neck makes you look serious and more powerful, but less friendly. When you tilt your head more blood flows to your brain and others feel your warmth. While listening and even speaking, tilt your head. It shows you feel safe with the other person and the other person reciprocates your feelings and feels safe with you.
You come across as kind, honest and friendly.
2. Own that $1-million smile
A simple smile pays abundantly. If it doesn't come naturally to you, then think of a happy memory involving a loved one. This will make you smile authentically. Even if you are with a stranger, you will be perceived as a friend.
3. Stay in the here and now
Often you might try to place a person you meet for the first time. Your subconscious wants to know if this person is a threat or safe. Without being aware of it, your unconscious is continuously trying to figure things out about this person you are attracted to.
And because like attracts like, the other person who is initially attracted to you just like you are to them, is also trying to figure you out and place you in a “safe” or “danger” category. This happens unknown to you, just like your heart beats and lungs breathe without you being conscious of it.
Instead, I want you to feel empathy for the person you are with and stay open to honest communication. Don’t plan the future or try to figure things out based on past experiences. Focus on being here and now and enjoying a good conversation, by both listening and sharing with kindness.
4. Keep up those non-verbal cues
Because you don’t know how you look when you speak, practice negative emotions in front of a mirror and notice how your face looks. Next time when you are with another, and a negative emotion comes up, you will know exactly how you look while engaging in that conversation.
Facial expressions combined with your body language make up your nonverbal cues. It’s important because your nonverbal cues need to match your words.
You need an enthusiastic and warm tone, for others to hear you and be with you. Tones have meanings and this goes beyond words. If people do not like your tone they will walk away.
Use a warm tone when you want others to agree with you.
5. Be vulnerable and authentic
When you say you don't know or ask for favors, it makes you vulnerable and to the right person, it makes you authentic. Try not to come across as a needy person. It’s a turn-off.
Try looking at people with unbiased eyes and smile only from your heart. A fake smile is hard to escape. Also, appreciate people for who they are and not only for what they do.
6. Give what you want to get
People love to be influenced by winners, so maintain that in your body language. Show certainty and people will feel that when with you. You need both competence and warmth when communicating and trying to connect with others.
Authenticity is an irreplaceable trait for the right one to connect with you, want to be around you, and work with you, not against you.
People love to hang out with people who love to hang out with them. If you want to be supported, you have to be supportive of them.
Most people on the planet are strangers. And if you want a stranger to know you, there should be an attraction factor, which can only stem from your warmth and competence.
For you to feel loved and supported by those who are attracted to you, you need to work on your lovability factor. You need to be genuinely interested and willing to support them in their dreams.
Never play small to get someone to like you. Ask for support in the way you know you would feel supported. Often strong people come across as “I can do it on my own.” So unless you ask for the help you need, you might not get it. It might not cross your loved one’s mind that you could be struggling and could use some support.
An assumption that because they love me they should know is foolhardy.
If you want someone to hear you, be genuinely curious about them. For you to get what you want, give them what they feel they need.
7. Enhance your body language
Lean in when you are with someone and look at their entire face, not just their mouth or eyes alone.
Pay attention to your body language. Remain relaxed. Crossed arms make you come across as cold. Uncrossing your arms makes you more welcoming and lets the other know that you enjoy their company and are genuinely interested in them.
A healthy relationship is a two-way street
When a person is friendly, likable, trustworthy, upbeat, and funny, you might call them warm. And when a person is capable, reliable, intelligent, influential, and powerful, you call them competent.
And when you have them both, you become attractive to the one you want to attract.
When you make someone happy and feel good about themselves, right away, you have a friend, a fan, a follower.
Besides warmth, you need to exude certainty. This makes you trustworthy. People like sticking to people they can trust. Remain open to the ideas of others for them to want to open up to you and be open to you.
Last but not least be both humble and confident. Don’t brag, and don’t play small.
Always start a conversation with something light and positive. Optimize the words you use with both warmth and competence, reminding others that you know your stuff and are a caring person.
Once you have attracted the other person, it will get easier to have their support by being supportive of them, yourself.
Keya Murthy, M.S., uses hypnosis, mindfulness psychology, and energy medicine in her practice as a Relationship and Parenting Coach at the Ventura Healing Center. She has authored eleven books and the latest one is The Book On Happiness.